Managing Moments on Life's Journey

On Christmas Day I was by myself. Lovely friends had invited me to join them, but once I had started spending time alone I realised that I couldn't join them.

I spent the day watching over my mind, not allowing it to leap into unhealthy interpretations of the fact that I was alone on Christmas Day. Thoughts would start: 'everyone else is with family now', to 'I bet everyone else is having so much fun', to 'everyone else is creating memories', to wanting to conclude things about me as the reason for me being alone etc., etc.

While alone I could create the space in my mind to nip those thoughts in the bud, to not allow them to unfold, spread and fill my cells and being. I could witness them, show them the door and replace them with: 'look at how privileged your are, you have a beautiful house, you have great food, great books, nothing you have to do, your only focus is to have a good day!'

Deepak Chopra lists the following steps involved with suffering:

• Overlooking actual facts ( a day off, beautiful surroundings)
• Adopting a negative perception (focus on the fact that I was alone)
• Reinforcing that perception by obsessive thinking (think of all the other times similar situations have occurred, and from that concluding that I am a failure etc…)
• Getting lost in the pain without looking for a way out (surrendering to the pain, seeing self as a victim, poor me!!!)
• Comparing yourself to others (no one else is alone, every one is having a lovely time….uuhu uhuuu…..)
• Cementing the suffering through relationships (excluding all social contact, no one thinks of me…)

I knew that with other people around the ‘space’ would be gone, I would not be as able to witness the mind-talk. I didn’t want to bring my ‘stuff’ to anyone else nor did I want the ‘stuff’ to have the space to grow.

I managed to have a good day, part of the quality of the day was the learning, the mindfulness, the knowledge gained of the strength position I am in when I know that I can control ‘the suffering me’….

It is always experiencing the harder times where we learn something, and I learnt!

So once again, be aware of your mind chatter, listen, notice and see if it serves you. All personal development starts with this, it is also the starting point for improving our relationships. When we know and own what we feel then we don’t transfer our own stuff onto others, we are able to separate our issues from their issues.

Till next time
Warm regards
Charlotte

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